You’ve articulated something so important. As a grief therapist, I work with many widows and widowers who also have this sort of thinking — something like, “After everything I’ve been through, I deserve to find love again.” I wish it were true! (I’m divorced, so I get it in another way). But we have so little control over that…as you point out, our efforts and joy and creativity must be in making our own life beautiful. I do know it’s difficult to stay in that grown up head and heart space…good friends are important and closeness with others cushions the way too.