Family Isn’t What I Expected

Divorce and time change things, but not everything

“Someday soon, you’re gonna have families of your own and if you’re lucky, you’ll remember the little moments like this, that were good.” — Tony Soprano

My niece was a new bat mitzvah on the afternoon of June 15, 2021. My daughter and I were excited to be there — we’d flown to Philadelphia (our first plane trip in almost two years), rented a car and braved the Garden State Parkway to join the celebration. In the later afternoon that Saturday, we breathed in the humid, marshy smell of the coastal, New Jersey air and waited as people bustled in and out of the hotel lobby. We’d surprised ourselves as the first ones ready for dinner. We watched for more family to emerge, since we’d planned to walk to a nearby pizza place and then head over to my sister’s house for dessert, continuing the celebration of her daughter- my only niece.

Piece by piece, relatives from my mom’s side unloaded from the elevator into the lobby; my mom, her sister, my uncle, two cousins and their spouses, my cousin’s daughter.

Finally, my dad and stepmom.

It was all everyday and totally new at the same time. This is what families do — they converge for milestones. Yet, this felt especially notable to me. Was it that we felt some reprieve from…